Assuming there are any out there, here’s your free ticket. Now I should really get back to writing Roommates’ episodes and convincing myself that radon is nothing to fear. I mean, I live on the second floor so if anyone dies, it’ll just be the neighbors, right? Neighbors are soooo 1950s.

Favorite quotes from the film? Feel free to contribute. I’ll go first.

“What the hell is that?!” – Becky, pointing at two people on a bike. You’d think she witnessed something magical, like a dancing Bic Mac.

“It’s all computerized.” – Gym manager, referring to the LED-lit treadmills, dangling stethoscopes, and flashing lights. He also happens to be the biggest filler role in motion picture history, though his son is even worse.